Ernest And The Dragon

by Zypher

Ernest Snippet was a middle aged man. He worked at the local factory in the town he lived in, every day, six days a week, on time, in uniform, properly groomed, and always prepared. He sat in the twelfth row of the Madison St. Bus everyday, since he got on at the first bus stop on the route. He'd arrive at the Factory, ride the elevator to the 6th floor, and get a cup of black coffee to sip on his way to his cubicle. He was always careful not to spill one drop on his vigorously ironed white shirt. Ernest would make it to his cubicle and find it immaculate, as always. Nothing ever was out of place.

Today he had gone to his cubicle to find some coworker had left a small plastic plant on his desk as a gift. Ernest hated surprises, and despised even more, unnecessary things. The plant had no function in his office space, it took up room, and furthermore, nobody else had a plastic decolage on their working space, so why should he? He tossed the plant into the garbage can in the hall so that all passerby's could see it. Maybe the idiot who thought he'd want such a thing would realize that his or her good intentions was unwanted.

Ernest sat fuming as he worked. This cubicle was his domain, and he didn't want anything out of the ordinary in it. The only things that he like to have around him always had some function, and are things that he put there.

With a sigh, he realized how much better this world would be if everyone was like him. Everyone would get along, because everyone would be normal. Everything would fit into place. Stupid, unrealistic things would dissapear, like Science Fiction shows on television, or anything else that was unexplainable in some way or another. There would be a good reason for everything. And no surprises!

He smiled just thinking about it. The mood lasted the rest of the day, until he got home and discovered a package on his doorstop. Ernest found that peculiar, since he hadn't ordered anything through mail. He picked it up and carried it inside, setting it on the spotless white counter top so he could open it.

Pulling back the shipping paper about the box, he opened it and revealed a sparkling blue crystal vase. Impressed, he took it out and examined the artifact. It was perfect. Who would have sent him such an impressive item? He examine the box for clues. However, there was no return address or bill or even card that came with the package, just his name imprinted in bold letters on top. Ernest wondered how the mail service even delivered it without his full address.

Ernest examined the vase further. It was made out of a shimmering blue crystal, in a conical shape that tapered to the top. It was rather opaque, so he couldn't make out if there was anything in it. Looking from the top, he discovered a black plug filling the neck of the vase. Well, that certainty didn't belong there! He pried the cork out. Suddenly, the vase turned red hot in his hands! He dropped it in surprise as a blue vapor started billowing out. The vase hit the floor but didn't break, and the smoke coming out seemed to collect about half way between the floor and the ceiling.

What was happening? Ernest stood gaping with jaw open as the smoke pooled together and started to solidify. Appendages began to form out of the body of the smoke, and the cloud seemed to stretch and elongate. It looked like a giant animal was forming in his kitchen! A scant moments later, what looked to be a great winged lizard had taken shape and settled onto the floor. Wisps of smoke curled around it's body, and then disappeared. Its sparkling blue scales reflected the sunlight and it seemed to glow.

The beast took in his surroundings, and its piercing gaze finally rested upon it's liberator. "Sooooo," the sound seemingly coming straight out of its muzzle, "You would be the one who releases me? Under the terms of my imprisonment and release, I am required to grant you but one request." It regarded Ernest with a seemingly uninterested look.

Ernest Snippet's mind could hardly tolerate such abuse. He systematically could deal with any crisis, but a huge talking dragon appearing in his kitchen was too much. He froze in shock. The dragon, realizing the human's problems, mumbled something, and suddenly Ernest felt very relaxed. He managed to close his gaping jaw and take in the situation. So, a dragon appears out of a mysterious bottle and offers him a wish? Maybe it wasn't so strange after all to him... and perhaps he actually can take the beast up on it's offer.

The aging man suddenly felt very lonely. He had been single all his life, and had only been on precious few dates. Each one had been a disaster, since his idea of a good time had involved practical things, like going shopping or perhaps watching a good PBS special. And none of the women he had ever met seemed right, since they always had their own ideas on what should be and few ever agreed with him completely. As a result, he had given up finding a mate. He had ignored this fact until now, but a sudden longing filled him for companionship.

He looked at the waiting dragon, and he made up his mind. In a way, he would have his revenge for having his peace disturbed, and yet still get his wish. "Dragon, I wish for you to become my perfect mate."

The dragon's eyes filled with horror as Ernest finished saying the last words of his request. It was completely helpless as energies washed over it and began to change it's form. With muted screams, the dragon's wings and tail were absorbed into the body and it seemed to lose mass. Scales dissapeared, leaving a light colored skin, and taloned claws became hands and toes. With the face flattening, hair sprouted and as a finishing touch, clothes appeared. As the transformation reached completeness, the dragon felt it's personality drain away to be replaced with something completely alien to it. The energies dissipated, leaving Ernest with his new mate.

Ernest Snippet reached forward to take her into his arms. For once in his life he had gotten what he deserved, and filled with passion, began to comb her hair out of her face. He bent over to kiss her, and as his face reached hers, he realized that he had gotten more than what he wished for. For her face, her face was exactly like his, right down to his beetlish brow. He paused.

She opened her masculine eyes. "I'll love you forever!" Then she kissed him.

Ernest And The Dragon copyright 1997 by Zypher.