And I wondered...
Walked through the forest after a horrible day. Saw through the trees this guy in a business suit and he was liftin' his leg to this tree! I looked away and just kept walkin'. Then, I'm getting in my car, and I see the guy again! He's talking with the owner of the park, and they had a bunch of legal forms and crap. Looked like he was buying the park. And I wondered...
Drivin' down the road, saw this gal in high heels, business suit, smart skirt, really hot. She's standin' on her tips toes, hands curled into paws and she's sniffin in the air all around. And I wondered...
Jo's this guy I know, and he doesn't own any pets. I saw him the other day, buying dogfood, chew toys, doggie blanket, cat scrtaching post, leash, collar, ferret food, shiny little objects, and dog grooming stuff. And I wondered...
Drivin' down the road one day, and this asshole with a collie cuts me off. I'm pissed, but he has more muscle under his car. That steams me up even more. So I keep my eye on him, keep my pedal to my medal. I almost lose him, but then he slows down! Ha! I can finally pass the sucker! Only when I pass him, see, he's gone and the collie's gone. In stead there's this half naked chick behind the wheel and a pitbull in the passenger seat. And I wondered...
Met this hick drawing pictures in the park. He let me look at his stuff. In the folder with the crude title "Sis", all I found were these weird pictures of a half woman half sheep thing. And I wondered...
In my car, goin' to work. Looked over at a bus. It was packed. Bodies pressed against bodies. Except, there was this guy and this gal right next to each other. Traffic was slow, so I look... and I swear to god, this guy's prick was stuck in her and they were having a real good time trying to get it out! Traffic moved on, and I wondered...
Stoppped by a friend's place one night, heard strange animal noises inside. Yowling. I went outside, the warbling cat sounds didn't let up. I get outside, walk around the building, can't find the cat - except for one in my friend's apartment. Just as I'm about to leave, the sounds stop. Curious like a ... well. I go up there. Knock on the door, my friend comes to the door. "What's with those noises I heard?!" I demand of him. He gives me this odd smile and says, "Just getting a little pussy." And I wondered...
My boss was pissed one day. I asked him what's wrong and he says "I fired Johnson and he shit in my shoes!" And I wondered...
Met this hick drawing pictures in the park. He let me look at his stuff. In the folder with the crude title "Sis", all I found were these weird pictures of a half woman half sheep thing. And I wondered...
Went to my friend's house, his kid was watching looney tunes. Road runner was on. Kid, about 3 years old, ran up, pointed to the coyote and said happily, "Momma! Momma! You on TV! You on TV!" And I wondered...
Went over to a friend's house, saw two squirrels screwing their nuts off in a tree. I chuckled,watched one scamper up this long twig that reached up to a window on an upper floor of my friend's house. It squeezed under the tight open crack and went in! My friend's wife lets me in and I hear sounds of a shouting match in the room the squirrel squeezed into. It was my friend and his son. "So what if I was?" The son says. "I love her!" "Dammit, that isn't it." My friend says. "She might have a disease! I'm going to nail that window shut so you can't sneak out any more!" And I wondered...
Walkin' in the park, saw a dog run by in doggie shorts, headphones, doggie tennis shoes, and this weird plaid scarf. Few minutes later, in the opposite direction went a guy in the exact same getup. And I wondered...
Neighbors of mine adopted a baby, put up a "Beware of Dog" sign in our no-pets apartment building. And I wondered...
New guy at work, really agressive. His lunchbox smells like raw deermeat. His car has scratches in the upholstery and dog hairs everywhere. I asked him where he lives and he said, "Northern Lakes Wolf Reservation." And I wondered...
Girl freaks out at a restaurant, babbling something really strange to her boyfriend about an animal bite. They run off to the ladies' room. Guy comes out alone, said the girl took off. Waiter next to me says, "No way. There's no way out of there." When the waiter goes to check it out, I watch the guy, and he pulls a squirming ferret and the woman's clothes out of his dinner jacket! He starts calming the ferret down. And I wondered...
Walkin' in the park, I stumble over a stray dog. I hear "Hey watch it buddy!", look around, but no one's around but the stray. And I wondered...
Went to a party, drank too much, passed out. I woke up in the morning at the place, surrounded by 20 really hung over dogs, cats, and ferrets. And I wondered...
Friend of mine is really gossiped about. He went to work at a gene and DNA research lab. Here's what I heard:
"Brought home some containment once from the lab. Yeah, he's really* in the dog house with his wife over THAT one."
"It's really competative over there. Really dog-eat-dog." "He's been hounding his boss for a raise, but the boss said he was barking up the wrong tree."
*"Wife nearly divorced him over that affair he had. Somehow he convinced her it was just puppy love."
In my doctor's office I saw two whole rows of books on lycanthropy, lunacy, Multiple Personality Disorder, Animalistic regression, belladonna, and wolfsbane. And I wondered...
Jo's this guy I know, and he doesn't own any pets. I saw him the other day, talking to matress repair guys. They were complaining about all the clawmarks and fur found all over the matress. And I wondered...
This guy I know eats like crazy. Could probably eat twice his own body weight in a day! Skinny as a rail, though. You know the type. High metabolism or something. I heard from an old friend that he flew, so next time I saw my skinny buddy I said, "So, what kind of plane do you fly?" and he says, "Plane?" And I wondered...
Uptight bitch I know. Married to this short big glasses nerd opinion poll dude. They live in the apartment next to me. One night, I hear mooing from their apartment, and electric zaps. I see the cold bitch in the store the next day, and she's buying batteries for a cattle prod. And I wondered...
Walked into a bar called "The Wolf Pack". Second I stepped in, a flurry of sniffing rippled out from the entrance and throughout the bar, and to the man woman and child, they all turned their heads twoard me and gave me this look. I had the distinct impression I was not wanted. I got out of there before the 7 foot tall bouncer started getting uglier (if that was possible). And I wondered...
Heard about a murder across the street. Some old bum got it in the head. Checked it out, heard the killer as they took him way: "I didn't DO it. I swear to god! I shot some mutt, not a bum! You can't do this! I shot a dog! It wasn't a man!" Arresting officer said, "Sure, buddy. And you didn't strip the bum of his clothes either." And I wondered...
Eatin' at my restaurant, heard this guy behind me order a suber big nasty gnarly raw steak. He was really gung ho about his, wanted it completely raw. Waitress said they couldn't do that. Guy rose a stink, eventually left. Saw him outside the window eyeing this sweet young woman. Decided to follow and stop this dahmer wannabe. In the streets, I lost them for a bit. I hear this howl, and a scream. I ran faster, but couldn't find them. An hour later the only thing I found was some torn up clothing. I did a double take. It was the guy's clothing that was torn up. And I wondered...
Next night, saw the guy and the gal. Were talkin' like lovers. On my way out I heard the gal's pet name: Little Red Riding Hood. And I wondered...
Watched a movie with a friend, got to this part where the guy and the gal in the show were eating by the light of the full moon. Eventually my friend got buggy enough to excuse himself. In the bathroom, I hear a howl, a crash. I get pissed, go to investigate. The window's broken and his clothes are strewn all around the room. And I wondered...
Sittin' in the park after a long walk one day. Saw a woman walk by with a kid on one of those kid leashes. Same woman walks by again later with a puppy in the exact same harness! And I wondered...
Met an artist, showed me his work. Incredible, photorealistic stuff - it depicted a cat and a man getting stuck in a transporter pod and winding up melded together. He showed me the originals - and they were polaroids of what looked like the actual morph coming out of the machine. And I wondered...
In my car on my way to work, saw a guy run to catch up with his bus. Man was HE late! He barely had a stitch of clothing on, carrying his breifcase in his mouth. I shook my head, then saw something odd: he had a collar around his neck with a long snapped leash trailing behind him. Before I could wonder, a woman with clothespins in her hand and a fully-dressed businessman ran past angrily shouting at the half naked dude. And I wondered...
Saw a bewildered woman in loose man's clothing stumbe out of the men's bathroom, and I wondered...
Fall a small pile of clothes off the trail in the park. Only tracks were shoes toward the clothes, and paws leading away. And I wondered...
Saw some prints in fresh concrete. "Joey", "Sam", and "Jack" were written under each set of prints. Joey and Sam I knew - my neighbor's kids. Jack was this kid that they hung out with and who got them into trouble. Thing is, "Jack" was printed under a pair of PAW, not hand prints. And I wondered...
Big mud puddle formed over a sidewalk I walk over on my way home. Really heavily trafficked place. Stoplights, arrows, walk, don't walk, lanes, and warning signs directed flow of pedestrian traffic. Puddle dried up one day, and in he mud among the shoeprints I saw cow hoof prints and I wondered...
This one actually happened.
Listnin' to the Dating Game on the boob tube, heard the frat girl say in her valley girl voice, "Bachelor number two. There was a strange accident and somehow I got reptile DNA in me. The upside is, I never have to worry about wearing black lingere. The downside is, I eat live furry rodents. Would you still love me and why?" Bachelor two says, "Heck yeah. I love a gal that could slither up to me and whisper in my ear." And I wondered...
One of our company's reps died in a hotel because he touched an electric cord some rats chewed through. Heard the wife sued the other day, but she couldn't get a dime. Turns out, the coroner found bits of plastic insulation of the cord in the late rep's teeth. However, the way I heard it, it was specificly rat bite marks on the cord. And I wondered...
Cornered by thugs, they had fangs. Before I got bit, an officer arrived and rounded them up. I asked the officer about the novelty fangs the thugs had. He didn't know what I was talking about. And I wondered...
Got bit by a wolf in the park, can't remember what I do nights of the full moon, and I wonder...
Went to the park, took off all my clothes, tried to shift. And I knew...
Shifted uncontrollably at work today. Had to make my way home as an animal. And THEY wondered...
Friend of mine's really protective of his daughter. Calls her muffin this and little princess that. Saw him the other day with the cutest little dog. It was skittish, but we made friends. He nodded and as we were parting, he looked to the little dog and said "Yeah, that's my little princess!" And I wondered.