The Transmogrifier

The Transmogrifier
by Matt Kessler
It all began one rainy afternoon. I was watching TV when my mom came in with the phone in her hand, "Matt, it's for you. I think it's Jeff." She said.
When I picked up the phone, Jeff sounded excited and asked if I could come over to his house.
"Sure, I told him. "3:00 O.K.?"
"Yea Yea, fine fine," He said quickly. Then I heard a dial tone.

I rang the doorbell. Jeff's mom answered the door. She asked, "How are you today, Matt?"
"Pretty good," I smiled politely.
"Jeff is down stairs in his room working on one of his projects. He's been at it for awhile now."

Jeff is a genius! But he isn't one of those guys that just sits in his room all day and reads the dictionary for fun. He doesn't like to admit he's smart. Jeff thinks everybody would call him an egghead or a geek or something like that. His intelligence is how my whole adventure got started.
When I reached Jeff's room, I found boxes and boxes, all empty. There were tools and other weird looking things I'd never seen before. But where was Jeff? All of a sudden one of the boxes moved. Out popped some kind of black dog.
"Hey, Matt!" The dog said.
I staggered, then everything went black.
When I came to, the dog was gone. Now, in its place, Jeff stood smiling
"What happened?" I asked.
"You passed out," Jeff answered, looking down at me.
I felt a small bump on the back of my head, Ouch!
"Jeff, what happened to that dog?" I grimmaced as I rubbed the bump, trying to make the swelling go down.
"Well, that's why I wanted you to come down here. See, 3 months ago I had an idea. The coolest idea I've had in a long time. A transmogrifier!!"
"A What?" I looked at him, forgetting the bump.
"T-R-A-N-S-M-O-G-R-I-F-I-E-R, transmogrifier."
"What's the heck is a transmogri...thing?"
"A machine that can turn an object in another object." He said it in an "I am the smartest person in the world" kind of way, but then, he might be the smartest person in the world.
"S-So you m-mean that that dog was.....you?" I sputtered.
"Yep, isn't it great!?" He said.
"Are you just playing a trick on me or something?" I looked at him, trying to find something in his face that would give him away.
"Do you want to try it out?" Jeff asked innocently.
"Me!? Is it safe?"
"Sure.....painless."

I didn't know what to think. I decided to humor him so I said:
"OK, let's see this transmogrifier."
"Great. Step into my laboratory.....HA HA HA." He laughed at his lame Mr. Hyde imitation.

Jeff pushed on his bed post and a door popped out of the wall.
"You're the first one to see this ya' know," Jeff said.
"You mean your parents don't even know?" I asked.
"Nope."
We walked down a long, winding hall, even though it was dark, I could tell we were going down stairs.
The hall led into a room that looked like the Transporter Room from Star Trek. The walls were colored a greyish brown. There was a small refigerator sitting in a corner and that was the only thing in the room that I recognized.
"Here we are, and there it is." Jeff pointed to a large cyndrilical tank in the middle of the room.
It was colored a deep shade of red, with wires spiraling all around its outer casing, the wires led into some kind of computer, laying beside the tank.
So that's the transmogrifier?" I asked.
"Sure is." He said with a smile.
"Cool."
Jeff didn't waste any time, "So, what would you like to be turned into?"
I thought of my dog, Charlie. "How about a German Shepherd?"
"You got it." Jeff walked over to the computer and started typing something on the keyboard. "O.K. Matt, now all you have to do is step into the transmogrifier and give me the thumbs up sign. Got it?"
"Got it," I answered. When I opened the door and stepped in I looked up and saw a white light shining down into my eyes, it looked a lot different inside the tank, I looked at a small sticker at the bottom of the tank.

"Fish Tanks Inc."

"Nice setup ya' got in here, Jeff," I called from inside the glass and gave him the thumbs up signal.

Suddenly, the light became extremely intense, so extreme I shut my eyes instinctively. After a few seconds I opened my eyes, the wires outside began to blink on and off, I couldn't see Jeff anymore.
Then I saw my hands, they were sprouting black hair!
"This can't be happening!" I thought. "I'm really turning into a dog! I looked over my shoulder, which was also sprouting black and brown fur. There was a little tuft of a tail growing there! And every second it was getting larger and longer! "This is so COOL!"
I looked back at my hands and saw a strange thing happening to them. I couldn't move them at all. Instead, my fingers were starting to come together like someone was molding them. I realized that my hands were turning into paws.
At the same time, I felt my ears start to arch onto the top of my now furry head.
Suddenly my back started to ache. I got down on all fours. AHH, that felt much better.
Then, as suddenly as it had come, the light shut off.

I looked around the aquarium, which looked a lot higher than it used to be. Jeff opened the door. Man was he tall! I guess everyone must look big from a dog's point of view.
"How do you feel?" Jeff asked, looking down at me.
"A little dizzy, but it's going away," I answered.
"Are you hungry?"
"That's strange," I said. "All of a sudden I'm starving!"
"Here," Jeff walked over to the refrigerator and took out a bag of doggie treats. I started to drool. He took a bone shaped snack out of the bag and dropped it on the floor, "It's not that bad."
I sniffed it. It actually smelled pretty good. WOW! It tasted just like a pizza! A cold pizza, but it was sooo good.
"Do you have any more?" I looked up at him.
"Sorry, they were so good I ate the rest up."

All of a sudden, there was a flash and the aquarium went dark.

"Oh no, not again," Jeff said.
"What do you mean, oh no?" I tried to hide the worry in my voice but couldn't.
"The fuse blew," Jeff sounded frustrated. "Now I have to go to the store and buy a new one!"
I breathed a sigh of relief, glad it wasn't anything too serious.
"Are you ready? Let's get going," I said impatiently.
"What do you mean, LET'S? You can't go, what would happen if you talked and someone heard you?"
"AHH come-on, Jeff," I argued." "I won't even bark. I promise."
Jeff sighed "All right, but you'll need a collar. "Jeff walked back into the jumble of boxes and came back with a blue collar with a gold name tag. I looked at the name engraved on it.
"Biff?" I asked.
"Hey, it's the best I could do."

After he tied the collar around my neck (which didn't feel to good,) we sneaked upstairs. Luckily Jeff's mom was busy making dinner in the kitchen so we made it out of the house easily. We went down a couple of blocks to the hardware store. The sign said "No Dogs Allowed" so I had to stay outside. While Jeff was buying the new fuse, a lot of people passed by and some of them patted my head.

When Jeff and I arrived back at the house, it was getting dark.
Jeff opened the door. His mother was standing right in front of him.
"Don't you dare bring that smelly dog into the house young man. You have some explaining to do!" She pulled Jeff into the house and slammed the door, right on my nose. OUCH, that hurt!
I sat on the porch for a'while, I couldn't stand this collar! Maybe if....
I got up on my hind legs and slipped the collar over the doorknob, I twisted my head around and it popped free, Whew!
I was starting to feel hungry again, "Maybe there'll be some food at the park," I thought. Boy was I wrong!

When I had reached the park, there was no one there...Silence. I spotted a trash can in the middle of a grassy field. "Funny," I thought,"That trash can isn't usually there. Oh well."
I padded over to the trash can...empty. Then out of nowhere a bunch of snakes dropped on to my back! No, no, it was just a net. JUST A NET!! I tried to bite through the strong ropes but to no avail, they were made of some kind of thick, coarse netting. Then out of the darkness, a man dressed in a white suit walked up to the net. He grabbed the rope and yanked me into a nearby truck.
I heard the man say, "That's about enough for today, don't you think John?"
The driver in front replied, "Yea, I guess so Chuck."
The inky blackness inside the truck reminded me of the "Space Mountain" ride in Disneyland. It was starting to get creepy in here.
"What ya' in for?" a deep voice said, startling me.
"Who's there?" I asked the voice.
"Name's Sam," It said.
"Uhhh, I can't see you."
"Wait until we get to the "inside." Sam said.
"When we arrived at the "inside" I was dumped into a cage that reminded me of a scene from "Lady and theTramp." Other dogs sat in cages beside mine, most of them were asleep. I glanced over to a sign on the wall which read: "Welcome to The Pound."
"Oh No," I thought.

"So, can you answer my question Bud?"
I didn't believe it.
Now that I was in the light I saw that the voice in the truck was that of a golden retriever. I could speak dog, I guess that made sense since I was after all, a dog.
"What are ya' in for?" he asked again.
"Oh, Uhh, no collar, I guess," I said to Sam absent mindedly. There was a lot more on my mind than worrying about how I got to the pound.
"And your name?"
"Oh, um....Matt," I answered.
I didn't sleep too well that night. The cage was cold. The entire room was cold. I felt so lonely in this tiny cage. Somehow, I had to get out of this place. Sam snored louder than my dad did when I went on camping trips with him. But somehow I finally drifted off....

When I woke up there was a bowl of dog food in my cage. It didn't look too appetizing. Sam seemed to be enjoying it though. He slurped it up like a vacuum cleaner.
"You get used to it after a'while," he said, noticing me looking at him.
"So you've been here before?" I said.
"Oh yea. I've been here so many times I don't even keep track any more. Some sucker family always adopts me for some reason or another. Then, at night when they're all asleep, I just sneak out the little flap they put in the back door," he snickered.
"Don't you even feel a little guilty?" I asked him.
He looked up from his dish, "Don't get sentimental kid.

I had to get out of this pound, and fast! My mind was racing with different ideas.
"I've got it!" I exclaimed. "Sam, I have a plan that could get us out of here. Do you want to help?"
He slurped up the last of his food, "Nothing better goin' on," he answered.

That night our plan went into action. After all the other dogs had gone to sleep I looked down and saw a sign that read: "To Open Cage Lift Knob and Pull Out." I reached my paw through the cage and felt around for a handle. When I had found it, I lifted it up and pushed it away. The cage swung easily on its hinges.
"How did you do that!?" Sam asked. "I've been working on that thing for 3 weeks and you did it in 5 seconds!"
"I just read the instructions."
"Read?"
"Never mind," I said.
We hopped down onto the hard cement floor and padded quietly over to the door.
"OK Sam, this is where you can help me. I'm too short to reach the door knob, but you can stand on my back and open it. Sam jumped up onto my back and said, "Which way do I turn it?"
"Right," I said.
"All right....Uh, Matt, which way is right?"
After I showed him how to unlock it, he bit the knob with his mouth and twisted the handle, the door opened easily.
I started to say, "Well, that wasn't too--"
Suddenly an extremely loud, high pitched sound came out of a hidden loudspeaker in the room. "AN ALARM!!" I shrieked.
"COME' ON!" I said "Let's get out of here!"
We both ran as fast as we could out the door, and out of the pound, I was amazed at my speed, my ears flapped against me as the wind whistled past us.
We did it," I yipped. "I can't believe we did it!"

We ran back to the park where I had been caught in the first place.
"Yea, we were great in there, Partner!" Sam looked really happy to be out. "I'm starved, know any good places to eat?"
"Are you always this hungry?" I asked.
I decided to take him to Jeff's house since I needed Jeff to change me back anyway.
Along the way I had an idea.
"Hey, Sam, my friend has this really great machine that can change dogs into people. I plan to be changed. Would you like to be a human too?"
"Are you crazy, Kid?" He looked annoyed. "That's impossible."
"Well, if it were possible, would you do it?"
"I tell ya', if I could, I'd change as soon as you asked. Wouldn't that be great? I'd finally get the respect I deserve, no more eatin' out of bowls, not havin' to worry about the dog catcher, I could do anythying I wanted."
"If it were only that easy," I thought.

Luckily, when we arrived at Jeff's house I found the basement window unlocked. It was Jeff's bedroom! We slipped in through the small window and found Jeff, snoring.
"I don't know who's worse," I looked at Sam. "You or Jeff." I came up to him and, reluctantly, started to lick his face. MMMM, Spaghetti sauce.

Jeff started to mumble something about Jennifer Malmo, a girl in their class.
"Hey, Jennifer, come over here and give your Jeffy poo a big smooch."
"He must be dreaming," I thought.
Jeff sputtered and woke up. There was a German Shepherd licking his cheek.
"Matt!" Jeff whispered.

I stepped into the transmogrifier.
"Are ya' ready, Matt?" I nodded my head. I looked one last time at my dog body. I turned around and saw Sam....INSIDE THE TANK!!!
"Wait, Jeff!" But it was too late. The light above turned bright white, and the wires began to glow.

I watched as Sam's body began to change. It started as the paws became hands and feet. The fur shrunk and finally disappeared, skin in its place. Then, the ears got shorter and lower on Sam's head, while his snout grew more compact and skinnier. And as this was going on he was getting taller every second.
I felt myself changing also, but I was too interested in Sam to notice what was happening to me.
Finally the light became dim and switched off. I looked at Sam's new body. He looked as if he might be in his late 40's. He had good looking hair that was very dark and wavy. He also had a pointy, short nose. BUT WHAT DOG BREATH!!
"Hey!" Jeff yelled from outside the transmogrifier. "How'd he get here?!"
"It's a long story," I said. "Believe me, a long story."

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