The Dilemma

by TC Lin

Trang Nguyen had a dilemma. Having been brought over from Vietnam as a baby and raised by adopted parents in America, he naturally looked forward to the time when he, too, would grow into the large, hairy specimen of manhood which seemed to be so common in the States. He assumed it was all environment, all diet, and since he liked hamburgers as much as the next guy, his chances were just as good. As a result, when he discovered several black hairs had sprouted around his growing penis one day when was 13, he thought happily to himself, Now it is beginning! Soon after things happened rapidly, the hairs filling in and lengthening out until his underwear contained a thick black thatch which hung over his genitals. His height jumped to over five feet, a full 6 inches, in 4 months, and black hairs began to sprout under his arms. His old clothing became tight as his body filled in, and he watched closely in the mirror every morning for the first signs of the thick beard and hairy chest which were inevitably on their way.

Perhaps this kind of thinking was the result of his upbringing, perhaps it was because he was an only child and had no Asian friends with which to compare. In any case, even as his anticipation peaked, the changes slowed, then stopped.

By the first day of high school, only a thickening of childish peach fuzz had appeared at the sides of his upper lip, and the few strands of black hairs under his arms showed no signs of further development. Then came PE, which was totally different from that in his junior high, mainly in that the coach required them to take showers afterwards. Naked. As the Vietnamese boy watched the entirely white population of his new schoolmates around him undress, he was shocked. They were completely different from him! Their bodies were hairy! Hair of all colors covered chests, stomachs, legs, arms, asses, even some backs! Blond, red, brown, and all the colors in between were represented. And it was all short, curly hair. The only hair worth mentioning on Trang's body, his pubic hair, consisted of long, straight raven-black strands just like the hair on his head. Quelling a growing feeling of embarrassment, he pulled off his own clothes, hoping no one would pay any attention to him, and he winced when he heard some boys making comments behind his back, things like: "I guess Gooks do grow hair after all." "Could've fooled me, I thought they were smooth all over." On top of that, he noted that he was the shortest, skinniest person in the room as he headed for the showers through the crowded locker area. His feeling of self-consciousness grew as he noted how white his classmates' skin was. Indeed, it was the color of generations of European bread and potatoes, while his smooth brown, the color of the muddy Mekong, plus his black hair and Oriental features made him feel like he was made of completely different materials than everyone else as he approached the door to the showers, which was crowded to way over capacity. He tried to thread his way through, acutely aware of his lack of height as his face swept against fuzzy chests and his smooth stomach brushed against other boys' curly body hair. When he finally reached the interior and looked around for a shower, he became aware of an unfamiliar sensation in his genitals. He looked down to find that his penis was swelling out of its foreskin and up into an obvious erection!

"Hey, the Chink's getting a hard-on!" somebody yelled, and Trang felt blood rush to his face as laughter erupted from all sides. His smile began as a wince, but soon his good nature won through and he was laughing with them.

Still, the incident remained etched in his memory for many years. For one thing, it made him realize that not only did he want to be like those guys in the showers, especially the hairier, stockier ones, but also that he was attracted to them as well.

By the time he was 23, Trang's physique hadn't changed much for the better, at least in his own eyes. In spite of a rich diet, working out and becoming quite muscular, he still couldn't attain the beefy, bulky kind of figure he longed for. It just wasn't in his genes, his friends at the gym told him. Oriental types, and all that. He nodded with a knowing look, at the same time noting with no small envy their hairy muscles and beer bellies. As much as he tried to eat, he couldn't get fat, even the smallest spare tire evaded him. Some men had suggested that shaving his body hair would cause it to grow back thicker, but when they saw his smooth brown physique, they shook their heads. He needed at least something to work with, they said.

It was not much different in the bars he visited. It was there that he had become aware of "Bears". Bears were big, hairy men, who were interested in other big, hairy men. They even had a sort of code to describe themselves in classifieds and the like. But every time the Vietnamese tried to approach a likely specimen in a bar, he was treated either as if he were joking or he was The Help.

One night he struck up a conversation with a large, Eastern-European-looking man. He looked to be at least 6 feet tall, and thick, dark bushy hair covered the skin where his shirt buttons strained under the pressure of his bulk. At first the conversation went well enough, but when the man realized that Trang was interested in him, he shook his large head in a shaggy laugh. "Are you sure you're in the right bar, boy? Even if you weren't an Oriental, and even if you didn't look young enough to have yer face on a milk carton, I'd squash you like a fly before I even felt ya!"

And he was gone. Trang finished his drink and ordered another. It was hopeless, he was doomed no matter what he did. "Find yourself and be yourself!" the Happy Shiny People advised, and yet they always seemed to already be who that wanted to be.

He was seriously buzzing when he stumbled out of the bar into the cold autumn night. Soon we'll get some real snow, he thought as he noted the small white patches already on the ground. He walked to the road and started walking in the direction of his house, leaving his car at the bar. He hadn't gone far when an old pickup stopped in front of him, a gloved hand waving him inside. He got in and closed the door with a clank, catching a glimpse of the driver just before the ceiling light went out. A Native American man, almost middle-aged, long black hair hanging down over his slim shoulders. It wasn't uncommon to see them around, especially in the rural parts Trang lived in(low rent was the only way he could afford anything).

"Have a good time?" the man asked. Normally Trang would have been very cautious about hitchhiking, but tonight he just didn't care. He shook his head and mumbled to himself. "Everyone says just be yourself. Why can't I be myself?"

"I know." the Indian said sympathetically. Yeah, right, as if! thought Trang. Then he felt the other's gaze upon him. "I know your problem. You've been patient. That's good. Every man's heart knows what it wants, but not every man knows what his heart wants. There is some justice in the universe." Trang nodded. Whatever.

"My house is here." he pointed, but the truck was already pulling in the driveway. He got out and walked to the door as the pickup drove away. He let himself in, turned on the lights, turned up the heat and changed into shorts and tank top. In spite of the late hour, he sat down and picked up a magazine. Something the Indian had said tickled something in the back of his mind. What was it? Should he just give up and try to be as Vietnamese as he looked? He looked in the mirror and thought, maybe I have been putting on some weight lately. His reflection seemed less skinny than usual.

The house seemed very quiet. He felt restless and uncomfortable in the chair, which creaked and groaned as he moved around in an effort to find the right position. He lifted up an arm to scratch underneath it, then stopped when his hand felt an unfamiliar roughness under his arm. Turning his head, he was amazed to see a large patch of thick, black hair, which spread even beyond the boundaries of his armpit and spilling slightly over onto his chest! He stood up and looked under his other arm, finding the same thing. When he put his arms down, it even stuck out in two black thatches. "What the-....that is so weird!" he said to himself in what was almost a laugh. Finally! he thought, shaking his head, the chair creaking as he settled back into it. He tried to put his feet up on the end table and missed by a good 6 inches. He frowned(he had never missed before)and moved the table closer, then put his feet up on it and sat back in the chair. A draft blew on his stomach and he tugged his shirt down, then took up the magazine again.

He had read a couple of lines when his eyes went across the page and to his wrist. But his slanted eyes widened in amazement as he observed several black hairs actually pushing out of the smooth skin of his wrists. As he stared at this impossibility, even more hairs began to sprout. The magazine dropped to the floor, and he noticed that his shirt had ridden up his belly again. As he pulled at it, he realized the significance of this: his belly? But it was true! He sat up and stared at his now-well proportioned midsection, and realized that there was a faint line appearing even as he watched, a small line of black hairs, running up out of his shorts, across his navel, and up the brown skin of his enlarged stomach. Even as he watched, the line thickened and began to spread out. He tried to pull down his shorts but they were too tight, and he realized that both they and his shirt were becoming much too tight. After noticing that his ankles now sported a modest coating of black hairs as well, he stood up again.

He was immediately disoriented, for everything looked different. Soon he realized why: he was taller! It dawned on him that he was becoming what he wanted to become, impossible though it seemed, and he rushed awkwardly to the mirror. In it he saw a tall, beefy, bulky, hairy version of himself! Black hairs surrounded his exposed navel, stuck out of his shorts legs and from under his arms. Laughing at this sudden, impossible fulfillment of his secret longing, he pulled off his shirt and watched as his brown chest and shoulders bulged further outwards, his stomach swelling and his arms and legs gaining mass as they, too, thickened. To his delight, black hairs began to sprout on his brown chest, first around the nipples, then in the middle. A tingling sensation brought his attention to his face, and he watched raptly as black fuzz accumulated below his prominent Asian cheekbones as well as on his chin, his sparse eyebrows thickening and growing towards each other. Pretty soon he would have a full, luxurious beard! He was a Bear! The thought recalled to him the bar he had just left. It's probably still open, he thought as he looked at his watch, loosening it around his now thick, hairy wrist. He rushed to the closet, feeling his newly-grown paunch jostling ever so slightly, and took out the largest shirt and pants he could find, pulling them on. They were a reasonable fit, and he was on his way.

Walking. He had forgotten that his transportation was still at the bar, but no matter, he could still walk it and he had to retrieve his car sooner or later anyway. He was about halfway there when he realized that he had forgotten to put on shoes! He bent over with difficulty and examined his feet, which felt fine, not cold or sore at all, and saw that they now sported a sparse coating of black hairs, and his toenails were overlong and rather dirty. Still, it was a long way back in the cold, so he continued on. By the time he reached the parking lot he was waddling and the clothes he wore felt uncomfortably tight. He felt a draft and found that once again his shirt had pulled out of his pants. Looking down, he found that he couldn't even see his own legs, and his navel was almost invisible under a heavy coat of black hair! He left his now-ample paunch hanging out and entered the bar, cold-stiff hands fumbling with the doorknob. It was almost 1:00 am, however, and to his disappointment, the place was almost empty. He ambled up to the bar, and was about to order a drink when he saw his reflection in the mirror behind it. Although his Oriental features were partially hid underneath a fairly heavy and expansive black beard, he noticed immediately that his seemingly wider nose had a dark smudge on it. His ears looked dirty, too(or were they growing hair as well?) In any case, he would have to wash up. He looked down at the bartender(just a few hours earlier he had had to look up at this same man!)and said in a rough, gravely voice which surprised him, "Bathroom working tonight?" the bartender, himself a portly man in his 40's, merely nodded, obviously impressed as he looked up at huge, hirsute Vietnamese man. Then, Pop! Pop! suddenly two buttons on Trang's shirt flew off and landed behind the bar. In the mirror, he watched as black hairs slowly began to protrude from his shirt collar, reaching for his throat. Then another button popped off, and another..."Excuse me." he grumbled and made his way to the restroom. As he passed through the doorway he felt, and then heard the ripping of fabric as his shirt tore in half across his still-broadening shoulders. He stood in front of the bathroom mirror, wondering just how far all this was going to go. Black hairs, having covered his chest and stomach with a sable coat, had also begun to sprout on his broadening, brown shoulders. His face had changed as well, or perhaps it was the beard, as black hairs flowed down his cheeks. His eyebrows had thickened and spread out to meet one another above his black eyes. He noted the dark smudge on his apparently growing nose, rubbing at it with a hairy, strangely stiff hand. His thumbs didn't seem to work properly, and his nails were long and dark. How long had it been since he had trimmed them?

Another ripping sound caused him to jerk his attention back to the rest of his body, as his pants tore apart along the sides and fell to the ground, leaving him completely naked in the bathroom. Underneath, his pubic hair, which had been the only hair on his body, was now only an area of thicker, longer hair as the ebony growth spread around his bulging sides and down his thickening thighs. He made an awkward turn and saw that his behind was still growing as well. Black hairs seeped out from between and spread across both slowly swelling buttocks. There was a small bump protruding under the hair at the base of his spine that he had never noticed before. As his height grew he began to have to stoop to look in the mirror.

Suddenly he realized that this wasn't stopping. No, this is fine! he yelled mentally at whatever force was responsible for his transformation, but still the hair continued to thicken and spread, wrapping around his torso and down his back until his massive bulk was completely covered with a sable pelt. His head hit the ceiling and he fell on all fours with a grunt of surprise, suddenly face-to-face with his reflection. His formerly flat Asian nose had continued to darken until it was almost black, and now it also began to swell outwards as he watched. The treasured beard continued to spread, growing up around his nose and covering the rest of his face, merging with his eyebrows, which slowly surrounded his eyes. He let out a low moan as his nose and mouth pushed out further and further, continually bumping into the mirror, his now-black nostrils leaving small wet smudges on the glass, his long, dark nails clicking on the bathroom tile as he backed up to make room for...a snout? Yes, a snout! Realization filled him as he observed his ears, now large, rounded and covered with black fur, emerge from the thick hair on top of his head, realization that he was actually becoming a bear. Not just a bear of a man, a real bear! The outrageousness of his predicament caused an ironic grin, and the bear in the mirror snarled in turn. Be careful what you wish for...

Within a few minutes he sensed that he had changed completely into a bear, yet still he didn't know what do and was standing uncertainly on all fours in front of the bathroom mirror when the door opened and a man walked in, none other than the Eastern European he had met earlier that night! He smelled of beer and peanuts and, once he saw Trang, fear.

With a sudden heave, Trang stood. On his way up he passed the man's head and felt an extreme, if also primitive satisfaction at both his own new height and the look of terror on the man's bearded features. He looked puny now, a small, frightened creature. Trang laughed, which came out as a small roar, and ended as a short bark as his head hit the ceiling again. Dammit! Stupid little rooms! Frustrated, he rushed out, though the bar, out the door and through the parking lot to the edge of the woods. Snowflakes were falling, but he didn't feel the cold through his new thick black pelt. Noting the growing commotion at the bar behind him, he made his way into the woods on all fours, not knowing where he was going, yet going at a pretty good gait nonetheless.

"Have a good time?" a familiar voice in the stillness of the woods startled him to a halt, and he whipped around to see the Native American man who had picked him up, standing not six feet away. He was smiling, and suddenly all his words in the truck made sense to Trang. Yes, this was what he had wanted, had wanted all along!

There was something different about the smell of the Indian, something familiar and yet puzzling. The man seemed to know what Trang was thinking, and nodded. "I suppose I should dress more appropriately for this weather." He unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it off, revealing a smooth yet meaty brown chest and arms. Then he stepped out of his pants and stood naked in the snow. Somehow he seemed more natural that way, as if the clothes had been a costume and the play was over. His skin was a darker brown than even Trang's had been, yet he was just as hairless...no, wait...he watched in fascination as the Indian's small black patch of pubic hair began to spread out, growing up his suddenly swelling stomach and down his ever shorter, thickening legs. Black hair spread out from under his ever-thicker arms and down his expanding sides. Quickly it began to cover his expanding chest and shoulders, as well as his Native features, which were pushing out into a familiar-looking snout. The long black hair now hanging from his swelling buttocks thickened into a short tail. It all happened in a flash, and before he even realized it, he was facing another black bear, which was grunting at him with a shake of its head. "This is no season to be up and about. Let's go." it said just as clearly, in a way even more clearly than if it had spoken English, and together, the two bears trundled off into the nocturnal wilderness, the falling snow covering their tracks.

The Dilemma copyright 1997 by TC Lin.